Affliction

Have you ever faced those nights, he said, the ones
that seem to surround you like ashes swirling
in a storm, sucking away all light
and hope. Have you laid awake when
everything is silent, wondering,
gnawing away at your own soul, staring hopelessly
at your dreams, as you tear them
into tiny little shreds. Have you felt your bones
ache, as you stare at the ceiling, desolate,
awaiting release or redemption? Do you
question your very identity then- How do you
cope with those nights when you audit your dreams,
when dry objectivity leaches into your heart,
hot and bitter and red like blood? What do you do
when the disappointment becomes too much to bear,
when the heart becomes the cause of the heartache?
How do you deal with the pain of being numb?

Every one of those nights, I tell him, I
let myself simmer, scalding everything inside. Every one of
these nights, I let a little bit of myself die,
Convert what matters most into a distant memory.
Every morning I wake up, a little bit lesser.
There is no coping with this.