There are topics one must never touch upon, matters
not open to discussion. As the nights go along, one
must never mention anything about any
emotional attachments. This world is startled
at this phrase, it creates awkward
situations.
At no time, should the word love be mentioned, as in
I loved you; or love you still. It causes raised
eyebrows. Such a quaint notion, not
at anytime should such things
like moonlit nights be recalled. Mockery, waste
of time. You are not here, and this is what
all of it is reduced to.
It comes with its benefits. You are not
here. So, I don’t have to care
about how full of smoke the house becomes
due to my smoking. I do not care about the
arrangement of the sheets and pillows now. Or if
they are clean. I still take the trash out,
every day. But the clink of
empty bottles- no one has to obsess over it,
now. Now that you are gone, I can stay awake till
early morning, and stare at the fan, cursing it
for moving too slowly. I can look at
the wafting smoke from my cigarettes, and
watch the plumes dissolve. Slowly, disappearing to leave
a poisonous shadow which cannot be remarked upon. Just
like my life.
Now that you are gone, I
can mourn you without you interrupting me. I can
be unloved, now that I no longer have your love. Now that
you
are gone,
I can quit everything you quit me for.
.
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