Ever blue

There is a song playing

somewhere,

a background music of soothing, lost

desire. All around me, there is a mess, half-unpacked

bags, a forest of beer bottles, an ashtray

full of half smoked cigarettes, remnants of

a life slowly, desperately clinging

to hopes of death.

I do not know you, anymore. Nor

myself. A strange sadness this is, one that

begins in the mornings, and melds with alcohol fumes

every night. How alive am I? How much will I live

when I am dead? I do not know your face, your smile,

when I look in the mirror

I do not see you anymore.

The skies turn colours I cannot name, in the evening

seen from the windows of my cube.

This mundane life is killing me. But until you come

I will damn well die whichever way I want to.